deep sigh of contentment
this is some portal 2 shit
that little wiggle though
u know whats fuckin hardcore
people on this site who don’t speak english as a first language but blog in english anyways
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
that was a wild ride
why you have a gif of him saying that
you’re new here aren’t you
My mom tried to grow a lemon tree here in rainy Washington state.
im laughing so hard im crying over this tiny ass lemon
I move around? That’s the understatement of the century. He scoffed to himself, wanting nothing more than to make some retort back at her. After all, she was practically mocking him, so sure she had him completely figured out already when James would bet ten quid she had absolutely no idea. —— But he couldn’t do that. There were far too many complications that James wasn’t willing to risk, especially for something as small as this. “You had enough of those people already? Well then I’m sorry to dissapoint you, sweetie.”
He tried his best not to roll his eyes as she gave him the whole ‘we’re not as different as you think speech’, knowing full well that she couldn’t be more wrong about that. He looked at her with a small smile as she raised her eyebrows at him. “Honestly? The way all this is going I doubt I’m gonna be here by the beginning of next week, so save yourself the bother of trying to make friends with me.” He shrugged his shoulders softly before gesturing to her. “Hope you get to stay here longer though, you know, given that fact you seem to want to.”
”Nah, that’s alright. I’m actually alright with history, dad’s a historian of sorts…” He tried to hide the sigh in his voice, sick of the niceness she had that seemed so forced. Why the hell was she bothering to do this when she clearly hated it? She shrugged at his question and he glanced at her as she answered. “We’ll see about that.”
Anna rolled her eyes, “James, I was the same damn way.” Her tone was even, not angry nor argumentative, “But, c’mon, just because we get moved multiple times a year,” into other shitty lifes and houses-but now way was she going to say that-none of his business really. “Means that we should be like that.”
Her brow cocked upwards, “This is my third school this year and we aren’t even through a full first semester, I would just like to finish a year somewhere.” Her tone was flat and dead, of course he would jump to that conclusion, everyone did. Did she like this bloody school? No. Did she like living with her mum’s cousins? No. Did she like her mum’s cousins husband hitting her but turning that into a caress? No. If she could, she would be gone. But it was harder to get out of this household than others. They hid it well. Her voice was quiet when she spoke again, “I am only trying to make friends because, even now, I barely have any.”
"Why are you so negative?" She furrowed her brows, honestly sort of… offended? Here she was being nice, granted she was a bit snippy in the beginning but literally, what the hell?
"Anna, I’m serious." His words were broken up by soft shivers as she kissed his neck again twice. They had plans. That’s what she would be saying if this was the other way around… She looked up at him and he smiled softly. "You better."
She was blushing, but James decided not to bring it up and instead just smiled. She kept her brow up as she spoke and he bit on his lip in a slightly anticipation at just the thought. “I dunno what’s keeping you from doing that. How about you tell me?” He gave her a challenging look. Anna blew him a kiss and he gave a small smile. “Good. Was just checking…”
Anna nodded, “You’re serious?” She whispered in between kisses, her arms wrapped around his waist, hugging him close. Anna pressed a quick kiss to his lips, “Of course I do.”
James gave her a challenging look, “Maybe because you were serious about no neck kisses.” She returned the challenging look. Anna smiled and kept eating, “Had you wanted the newspaper?” She asked mindlessly, staring out the window while drinking her cup of coffee.
Her eyes searched his and he made sure not to look at her. He couldn’t risk giving away what she seemed to want to know. “It’s only been a day, Anna. I’m hardly gonna pour my heart out to you after such a short space of time am I?” Truth was, he would really, if he could remember most things. She just couldn’t know this.
"You’re forgiven." He nodded, smiling softly as she put the food tray in front of him. She merely shrugged at his comment and he let out a sigh to signal that he had given up. Maybe it was better she didn’t share, at least then he’d have an excuse for not doing the same.
He wouldn’t meet her eyes and she pouted. “James, I am supposed to record your growth and refusing to tell me does nothing for us. Or shows growth.” Her voice was soft.
She smiled happily, “Glad to hear that.” He sighed and she rested her hand on his leg, squeezing gently, “Thank you.” Her voice was a whisper.
Well, I hope you like lunch, Simon.
This is awesome
I will never not reblog this
me during classes
- "that’s racist"
- "that’s sexist"
- "there are more than two genders"
- "ok but could we maybe not use that word"
- "that’s ableist"
- "there aren’t enough girls in here"